7 Gym Goers You Loathe Running Into

I decided to blow the dust off the ol’ blog today, but the digital dust choked me half to death and the pixel cobwebs got stuck in my hair.

Nevertheless, I was spurred to write a post today because I miss writing. Facebook isn’t a place where you’d like to spew out your honest opinions and Twitter? 140 words is a tad short if you ask me. Which reminded me why I set up this place in the first place.

Now, business.

The title of this post might not appeal much to those among you who are not seriously into hitting the gym. Maybe you go once, or twice a week. Maybe you get dragged there by a friend once in a blue moon. That’s ok – This list will give you something to look out for while you’re waiting for said friend to finish chugging through their sets. Perhaps you may have spotted one or two offenders on the list too.

To the avid gym-goer, just have a good laugh. Unless you happen to one of these, starting with…

1) The Moaner

The moaner is more common than you think. He (I will be using ‘he’ for the entirety of this post, not for sexist reasons, but because the majority of offenders who fall into these categories happen to male) is the one who makes training facing a mirror awkward. The moaner feels compelled to demonstrate the amount of effort he is pouring into his workout by unleashing highly inappropriate, uneasily orgasmic-sounding noises. Very specifically those types of moans.

I’m being specific because even screaming outright, while not advisable in any public setting which doesn’t include loud background music, is perfectly normal because science has proven screaming and/or swearing can help to relieve pain. The sounds that these people make should never be used in any social setting outside of a mass orgy.

As for where the mirror comes in, well, being humans, loud noises attract us. Rest assured, you won’t be blamed for being a busybody for looking up at the nearest inappropriate noise. Just pray that you are fortunate enough not to make eye contact with said person, because it has happened to me, and it was every bit as awkward as you are imagining it.

Why do they do it?

There’s no scientific explanation for this one, except perhaps that they flat-out do not know what they sound like. It happens to people – that’s why we have the condition of being tone-deaf. They probably believe the reason why all the ladies are staring at them is because of their ultra-sexy man pipes and their irresistible grunting. Either way, intentional or not, I refuse to have anything to do with a person who sounds like a bench press gives him an orgasm.

 

2) The Sweater

Here’s a nice picture of a sweater, because the sweaters I’m referring to in this post are just a tad more gross. Ok, here:

Nice, pretty droplets. Now imagine it all as sweat on a machine.

I may be a person who is difficult to gross out. But I still don’t like the idea of using a workout station saturation with the previous user’s body fluids. Its like indirectly being spat on.

Most gyms are air-conditioned, and public gyms here require that you bring a small personal towel of you own, so it isn’t a problem you see every day. However, I see it a lot in school, where the track is literally right outside the gym. You get folks who decide to do a warm-up lap or two, then proceed to grab a bench for their workout. Dripping wet. Yup, nobody here actually uses a towel.

Even in public gyms you get these guys coming in fresh from a run, and plonking themselves down on the nearest seat, dripping sweat all over the bench. Believe me this, I have seen this happen a couple of times, and the saddest thing is that they do carry the required towel with them, but don’t carry enough courtesy to wipe their own juices off the bench. And then some poor shmuck comes over and sits on the wet bench unknowingly.

Why do they do it?

It’s a simple case of  lack of courtesy. Or, as I like to call it, the ‘Someone else will get it’ syndrome. You might be guilty of it too. Perhaps you place your empty plates in the sink after a meal at home, run some water over it and wait for someone else to get it. Or dump your clothes in the washing machine and wait for someone else to start it. These things are arguably reasonable if you’re waiting for more dishes or more laundry to save water, but The Sweater, in this case, is thinking that the air will get it. As in, dry up their sweat. On the bench. Now you know why some gyms smell funny.

3) Staring Weirdo

And don’t tell me you’ve never been stared at in the gym. You have to have noticed at some point in time, somebody staring at you. Heck, you might have stared at somebody yourself, at some point in time. But there are a variety of reasons why we stare. We find somebody’s workout set interesting, for one. That’s how I pick up a few sets of my own – by watching. We find the person good-looking, a few quick glances won’t hurt. We may find ourselves wondering why the gentlemen next to us is using uneven weights for the dumbbells in each hand, and wait for him to notice.

Regardless of the reason, at least we have the courtesy to look away after accidental eye contact, right?

Not all of us.

Anyone who’s had the unpleasant experience of running into one of these guys knows just how uncomfortable it feels to hold more than 3 seconds of eye contact without the person so much as blinking or looking away. Chances are, you make eye contact again the next time you happen to look in the mirror (It’s always the mirror.) He’s probably still staring.

Why do they do it?

For the aforementioned reasons, is the most likely explanation. Or perhaps they simply just wish to be friendly. Then there’s the possibility that they simply never did learn the courtesy of looking away when they realize they are causing somebody discomfort. Or perhaps….

4) Gossip Girls

Sorry Ladies, but you be mostly guilty of this one. Although guys are not exempt.

Many’s the time when I was waiting for a certain machine, only to realize that the reason why the current users are taking so long is because their sets are extended by a chit-chat session. All they needed was a cup of tea each and they’d have a full-blown gossip session.

All of the above so far are minor annoyances compared to this one. When this happens, I get mad. Oh boy, I get mad. In fact, I get so mad, I turn into one of the categories later down the list intentionally. More on that later.

But who wouldn’t be angry? You find yourself waiting patiently for so long, interrupting your sets and there you have a group of inconsiderate users treating the machines as lounge chairs. It actually makes me angry just thinking about it. The average gym session lasts for about an hour. I have friends who tell me they have friends who can spend up to three in there. The way I’ve seen some groups talk, I don’t doubt it.

Why do they do it?

Sheer lack of civic-mindedness. There is no other explanation. They probably believe their gym fees are worth more than yours.

 

5) The Shadower

I admit, I am not the perfect gym-user, myself. This is the category I fall into. The shadower is the guy who, rather than ask you if you’re willing to share the machine or bench you’re on, waits silently in the background for you to finish. It can get annoying if your shadower is the type who ‘discreetly’ steps into your view from time to time to remind you that you’re on the clock – someone else is waiting for you to finish, so hurry up.

In my defence, I don’t do that. I make sure to stay out of sight a decent distance away so I don’t put undue pressure on the guy which could affect his workout. But the reason why I don’t like to ask for the machine is because I don’t like to share at all. I don’t know about others, but it puts pressure on MY workout, knowing that someone else is waiting for me to finish my set so that they can do theirs. I tend to cut short my rest time when this happens, leading to a less productive workout.

The shadower is everywhere – not just in the gym. A couple of days ago, I got ‘shadowed’ by this woman at IKEA in Tampines, waiting for me to finish my meal. She made a point of standing directly behind me, and you just know when someone is staring at the back of your head. If that weren’t enough, she strutted in front of me at many brief intervals. Needless to say that only made me ignore her harder and take my time.

Why do they do that?

I’ve stated my own personal reason above, but to others, it is a form of courtesy. They believe that whoever got to the machine first should have free reign of it. So they, myself included will wait patiently without putting pressure on them to speed it up. However, this patience evaporates when I realize that I’m waiting for a group of Gossip Girls. (Boys included in usage of that term.)

 

6) Weights Thief

This has happened to me only once in a public gym, but fairly often in the school gym. You finish one set, you look away for a second, you look back and your weights are gone. Better yet, only one dumbbell out of your pair is missing.

It simply amazed me when that happened. How could the person simply take one of the dumbbells when there were two of them? He must have known they were in a pair, and that they were in use. Yet he brazenly ‘stole’ them. Sure, the items in the gym are not governed by law, since they don’t belong to you, but common gym courtesy dictates that you don’t simply grab someone else’s equipment before they are done with it. Common human sense, too.

I do not know if anyone else has had this experience. At any rate, no one’s ever told me of theirs. But I believe that if it can happen to me, it must have happened to people at some point in time.

Jayzus, the things some people do…

Why do they do it?

I can’t come up with a single decent reason for this one. Intentionally trying to be an asshole, perhaps?

7) The Silent Sharer

This is quite possibly the worst on the list, so I’ve saved it for last. In fact, it happened to me just earlier this evening, which inspired this post.

Two of us were taking turns on the shoulder press machine, our rest time being the interval when the other was doing his set. Suddenly, this person came and slid into the seat just as I was heading to take over my position again, without so much as asking or glancing at either of us.

Um, what?

I didn’t even bother talking to the person, who was so inconsiderate it didn’t even matter. What if we were doing timed intensive sets which require us to keep swapping quickly? what if we had a set rest time on our program, which would be thrown off by the addition of an extra person? Only a novice in weight training would try to slot themselves in the way that person did. Either that, or an extremely inconsiderate person.

Sadly enough, it happens quite often. Sometimes the person has the courtesy to ask politely if they could share, which you can’t refuse because that, too, is gym etiquette. But I’ve had people slide in just as I was about to relieve my gym partner for my set on more than one occasion. But strangely, this time, never once in school. I can’t fathom why.

Why do they do it?

My guess is as good as yours on this one. How would somebody with enough guts to randomly cut into a stranger’s workout, for more than just one set, not be able to muster up the courage (or courtesy) to ask if they could share the machine?

I guess this is gonna remain one of those age-old mysteries, because I don’t intend on getting to know any such person well enough to find out.